Dealing with negative emotions.
Any doubt that 2020 was a bad year??!!!
Pandemic or not, the year came with a lot of negative energy and affected many!
My
year started off with something special. We welcomed baby #2, our
bundle of joy - our baby girl! This was just before the reality of the
pandemic hit. Like all moms, I had so much planned - so many
celebrations, events, photoshoots which I was looking forward to all
along my pregnancy. Not being able to do any of these and be stuck
inside the house for months was disappointing to say the least.
I
had a newborn to tend to, which meant sleepless nights. Add to this, a
hyper energetic preschooler who needed constant attention. My husband
had to get back to work, with meetings all day. Trying to manage 2
young kids all by myself, was CRAAZZYYY!! I was still OK at this point
and thought to myself - "I am strong, I got this!" I think it was all
the adrenaline from the post-partum hormones that made me feel
invincible, but I sure got drained out each day! I was lucky to
eventually find a nanny for the baby during the day and that largely
helped and took some burden off me.
Around
Mid-May, some restrictions were lifted and preschools started to re-open
under reduced enrollment. But, no other parents I personally knew were
open to sending their kids to preschools/daycares. Because it was still
risky to be out there! But I had no other choice. Due to the nature of
both mine and my husband's work, we thought it would be best for our
family if we sent our older one to preschool. Immense mom-guilt tore
me. I was feeling guilty of being a bad mom who could not handle her own
kid at home and is risking his life!! Looking back, this was actually the best decision that worked for our family.
Right
around this time my post partum blues started showing up. I was going
crazy, losing my temper on small things, unable to handle simple things
at home and getting terribly emotional - sometimes for no reason at all!
Keeping my self busy with work/chores/hobbies did not help either. I
don't know how and when the switch happened - from being the happy me,
blissful and joyful about the new baby, to suddenly being irritable,
angry, moody - practically the bad side of me. I became into this
completely negative person.
POST PARTUM BLUES ARE REAL! NO JOKE!!. The faster that everybody understands this, the easier it could get for new moms!
Though
I hate to admit it, I was also showing all these negative emotions on
my husband. We both were at that point of life, with 2 young kids,
constantly exhausted with no time for ourselves. Normally, we would have
taken breaks, gone on vacations, spent time outdoors and do stuff
together. We missed all that, in a year we needed it the most,
probably!
Long story short, towards the end of
2020, after some fruitful conversations with my husband - I knew what
the issue was, and now needed to work on myself. I am working on
- Not taking up too much stress upon myself,
- Staying Active,
- Controlling my emotions,
- Setting up decent, attainable goals and expectations for myself.
One month into 2021, having practiced these, I feel so much better, I feel lighter and with an uplifted mood.
I
have always thought of myself to be a strong and independent woman, but
something about this phase of my life just yelled "NEGATIVITY". It is
an on-going effort to move away from it. Hoping to continue to stay
positive. ✌
If you are going through a similar
phase, fighting with some kind of a negativity too, sit down and take
time to think. Find that someone - could be your spouse, a close friend
or family member - someone who will work towards uplifting your mood and
your spirits. There is no "perfect solution" that would magically work
for everyone. Find what you need, work on your self, take care of your
self!
